Friday, February 20, 2009 ♥
I'll be having my first paper in 6 hours time and I can't get to sleep. Y'know, when you're suffering from all the anxiety and you just stand by the window, things just flash past your mind and sometimes, you see it from a new perspective.
What's friendship really. I've a 13 years bestie. What more am I asking for? But sometimes, I'll just miss those times that I had with that particular someone which most of you will actually know who I'm talking about. It's like, if we weren't so stubborn in our own ways then, will we have ended up like that? I still love you very much as a friend, baby, whatever. But does it make a difference now? Prolly no. Maybe until a day when we come to realise that all differences and grievances deep down inside have disappeared, then would we be back to how we used to be. But I'm not counting on that. Because you seem happy with what you have now and I'm really glad for you. Just seeing you once in awhile, maybe for mahjong sessions or seeing each other in a club and have fun, would suffice. What else do I want more? Probably just your mutual appreciation of what we once had. That scrapbook? It really helps.
So many things have happened and I feel emotionally and mentally defeated. I've bawled my eyes out, cried my guts out but achieved nothing at the end of the day. Maybe fear isn't something that can be conquered with just words of assurance. This fear or hell hole that I've created for myself is not something that anyone can fill it up for me. I'll just have to get through it myself with someone's help. But nobody's helping, so there I am. Still stuck in that hell hole.
Y'know. Life is all about choices, making them and not regretting them. It's like the art of drawing without using an eraser. I can use bolder lines to cover the thinner ones. But when there are too many fine lines. No matter how bold another line is, it cannot cover them totally. And if it ever can, it spoils the whole fucking drawing. Maybe I should stop drawing such fine lines because I chose to, not because I want to. My life is MY LIFE right? But when you love someone that very much, you get so tangled up and there won't be a differentiation of who's life is whose. Does this apply to everyone or is it just me alone?
I've made a choice now. Not because I like it but because I want it. Is that contradicting or is that stupid? But love is never fair nor logical, no? People lose their minds when it comes to love and I'm just like any other normal human being. At least, that's what I think for now. After all this rantings, I'm sorry to inform any of you who is reading this, it does not make a difference from the start of everything. So, it's still back to that "normal".
Was talking to Rach on Msn and I reminded myself this phrase that I always said but forgotten about it as time passes. "Guys will only know how to appreciate their losses." But I don't think this applies to just guys only. Ladies too, but with a lower probability.
Someone told me that "Babe, this is a fucking free world. So do what you like and say what you like." Well, it's easier said than done I guess.
I stood by the window and looked down and thought how my body would look, distorted with guts spilling out lying on the floor 10 levels down. Who will be devastated over my death and be affected for life, yes, FOR LIFE. Maybe except for my family members and two important persons in my life, nobody else.
But then again, am I really that significant to this world? Does my existence matters as much as I think it does because nobody's indispensable?
Guess that's a question everyone should ask themselves.
Monday, February 02, 2009 ♥
Just because Mummy heard a dog barking and howling non-stop. She thinks that someone's gonna die soon. Because, "No dog will bark so much in the middle of the night and howl that way for nothing."
Right, that's my Mom for you.
I should stop staring at matrimonial proceedings because it's annoying. Should start on accident claims or insolvency instead. OMG. Less than 12 hours to go but I'm nowhere near the mark yet. Bahhh.
Sunday, February 01, 2009 ♥
I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate
CCB. KNN. fucking hell. goddamnit. I have no idea what's wrong with me. But all fucking go die.
At least from a wall, I hear echoes.
I just stole photos from BF's phone. And they are hilarious. Enjoy. 
My attempt to add a photo into BF's private collection.
Then the 360 degrees difference.
Yes yes, he's plucking those hairs that I've left out. Apparently he does a more elaborate job than me. Laugh la laugh la. I think it's sweet ley. You all are just jealous. HAHAHAHAHA.
My attempt to add a photo into BF's private collection.
Then the 360 degrees difference.
Yes yes, he's plucking those hairs that I've left out. Apparently he does a more elaborate job than me. Laugh la laugh la. I think it's sweet ley. You all are just jealous. HAHAHAHAHA.