Tuesday, November 18, 2008 ♥
So now, the question that is put forward to me.
Am I a jealous person?
So, what actually is jealousy? Jealousy differs from envy. Jealousy is a complex reaction because it involves a wide range of emotions, thoughts and behaviour. In a positive way, jealousy heightens emotions, make love feel stronger and reminds ourselves not to take our partner for granted. However, jealousy may kill a relationship too if it leads to over possessiveness.
So what kinda girlfriend am I? I'd dare to say, I take jealousy in a positive way, if I'm the one being jealous of course. I'll take all jealousy and keep it within me, without even confronting my BF about it. Much less to mention, control his movements. I'll even use positive self-talk and tell myself that I'm such a loveable person and that BF respects me and is committed to me. But then again, why should I allow myself to slip into complacency? Temptation is abundant and everyone's susceptible to it. Bet you all have been thinking, why do I allow myself to be stuck in such an internal struggle. Because I love my BF and I want the best for him.
Days before, I came to this realization that, hey, this isn't healthy for me or my emotional stability. So I've been reading up quite alot. Maybe it's because I've been hurt more than once in my past relationships which is why my outlook on this is different from most of the girls. I even told my girls that guys will stray and it's only a matter of time.
Xueli almost killed me when I told her I'm prepared for that day to come. The day when my love has an affair with someone and the first and last time I'll ever forgive him. (Please don't think my BF is unfaithful cos' this post is just a random rambling.) Yes, I'm insecure in a way but I don't allow that part of me to surface. I don't wear it on my face. It's a torture keeping it in for some but I've learnt to accept it as a part and parcel of life.
Trust is an essential for a relationship but we often take it for granted that it will always be around. It's too easy to break and too difficult to rebuild it. So why break it in the first place? Affairs ain't only about sex. In fact, any intimate activity between two persons that breaches the trust of a partner constitutes an affair. I can be open and accept alot of things that my BF wants to do whereas to some, it's unacceptable. Simple things like clubbing alone with his guy friends, etc etc. But guys, girls, whoever out there. There’s always a boundary to what you can do and what you should not do when you’re in a relationship. (Note: I didn’t say what you CAN’T do but instead I said what you SHOULD NOT do. But that’s just my way of handling my own relationship, you guys don’t have to agree with me.)
Ending this annoyingly boring post, I'll differentiate the 4 different types of affairs.
- The boat-rocking affair - when one partner has an underlying dissatisfaction with the relationship. The affair is an unconscious way of drawing attention to the problem and bringing things into the open.
- The exit affair - when an affair is used to get out of a relationship. Rather than confront the fact that a relationship isn't working, an affair forces the issue.
- The thrill affair - the illicit nature of an affair brings with it an adrenaline rush. Add to that the excitement of sex with someone new and the romantic trimmings of a fresh relationship, and it can seem irresistible.
- The three's company affair - can go on for years; it can also describe a string of successive affairs. Some people find it difficult to commit to one person; they feel stifled by monogamy and fear putting all their emotional eggs in one basket. Having a third person on the scene can provide an outlet for difficult emotions.
And how we can go about avoiding it.
- Be open - honesty is the key to avoiding affairs. Share any temptations with your partner and agree to support each other.
- Be close - build and maintain emotional and sexual intimacy in your relationship. The closer you are, the stronger you are.
- Be smart - don't slip into complacency: everyone is vulnerable to temptation. (This was what I was talking about)
- Be alert - if you find yourself feeling attracted to someone, take action to avoid getting any closer.
- Behave - if you'd describe yourself as a natural flirt, remember: if you don't want to get burned, don't play with fire.
I'll always joke on my blog that I'll kill whichever girl that dares to get my guy. But we all know that's not possible at all. On a serious note, I won't stop him from going out late in the night, won't stop him from clubbing, won't stop him from contacting girls. I won't kill whoever. I'll just make it plain simple.
If you have the guts, go ahead.