1. I blog what I like
2. No flaming
3. I appreciate friendliness
4. Fuck off if you don't like my attitude

It's cos life is such a bitch. To those who are concerned, I'm sorry if I appeared to be more aggressive than normal. I didn't mean it.

In short, you guys can choose to hate my guts for voicing out and arguing back. But no matter what, I stand firm to my beliefs. When I say it's childish, I really think it is. Fancy a few 19 year olds arguing over such insignificant stuff (at least, to me it was). I felt like I was back to my secondary school days. Or maybe even primary school days. It's not the contents that are dissappointing. It's the mentality behind the relevation of those contents.

Now, I've came to realise.

The rain will not wash away the disappointments, exasperation, anger or sorrows. Instead, it will drench you with it.

Those negative feelings will not be gone from the clouds that withold them. Instead, they will merge with the clouds and fall as rain.

The feelings will not disappear as the droplets of water fall from the sky. Instead, they will crash onto you. Leaving you drenched with illogical emotions, drowning your mind and mood in nothingness.

Only with the sun and warmth will those emotions vanish from the surface of the earth, away from you. But that's not the end. Because they will go back up to the sky, far away from you, all coming together as one. It will then wait for that chance to crash around, onto and upon you again.

And so, the cycle repeats.

I don't believe in going one big round to get a point across to someone. So here I am.

Hello Baby,
From this very moment, I'm gonna shuddup about any single shit that happens between us. No Willie, no Derrick Ng. Heart to heart talk buddy whatsoever, I don't give a damn.

"If you think that telling another person out stuff will release the pain and stress that you've got ..." So you know I've got pain and stress also la?

"Replying short messages to you doesn't mean that I don't care and cherish the friendship between us..." What have I done to make you think this way? In a way where you believe that I think you don't care and cherish the friendship between us. Did this phrase 'don't care and cherish' come out from my mouth? Did you ever hear it from me personally? Or did whoever who told you those whatsoever stories hear it from me personally or did he just inferred from whatever I've said huh?

You said I always didn't ask you. Are you sure I didn't? Not even once? Turn the tables around my dear. Have you asked me?

I've heard stuff I didn't like to hear from people outside our group of friends. I told you for your good. But what did I get? A 'sorry' after a flare up.

I've tried my best to cheer you up whenever you are down, cry and beg you not to cry, talk cock with you when you're bored, find topics to talk about or just talk nonsense whenever you reply me one-word stuff, put in time, effort, money, strength, feelings.

If you realise, it's not about what I believe anymore. It's about what you choose to believe now. I've always believed that you were someone worth my everything that's why I do so much without hesitation. Tell me, when did I ever go against my belief? Tell me, who the fuck told you I don't believe? Tell me, who the fuck said I don't trust what you have in our friendship?

You tell me yourself, when have I ever been angry with you? No matter what you give, no matter what you do. When have I been really pissed with you?

If you think that some other friends are so much better, I'm not talking about the guys, you can go try your luck. But I'll advice you not to disappoint and hurt yourself. After all that we've been through and all that has happened, I dare to say no friends would do what I've done for you. A short lil 4 months since we've become as close as superglue whatsoever, I've done stuff I've never done for anyone before.

Our friendship is not measured by the time we spend together. Not measured by how many times we go clubbing together, the money spent on each other, the number of times we meet up, the length of sms cos all of that is fucking superficial. It's the fucking feelings that are already invested in it. If there's a way to measure feelings, I dare to say I'll win everyone, anyone.

Since everyone is so unhappy with it. Since there are so many stories with extra ingredients going around. Since you are so unhappy over it also. I'll end it. I'll fuck off from everyone's life. No more buddies whatsoever. No more talks whatsoever.

Since you guys wanna think this way, I'll act like I'm someone outside the whole group of friends. I'll be Jeff's girlfriend instead of you guys' friend. There's a fucking difference geddit?

Because the clouds are so weighed down with sorrows, exasperations, anger, jealousy and all other negative feelings, it rained. Because there were so much of such feelings, the clouds stopped the sun from embracing the world. Because there's no light, there's no visuality, no understanding nor enlightenment. Humans can't see what's before them, can't differentiate, can't contrast.

They see with their hearts and their emotions. They see what they feel and what they believe but not the truth nor the cruel reality. Humans are such deceptive creatures. They try to deceive the whole world around them including themselves.

It's the total refusal to accept the way things are that leads to being despised. The lack of courage and yet, the overflow of deception. Hello fellow homosapiens, it's time to get your scales right. Have a lil balance in your life.

I have to take time out for my sinful indulgence in food, alcohol, nicotine and endless love-making. What beats getting outta this place to somewhere where you can find all the physical, mental, emotional pleasures you can ever think of?

Before I start this post, let me wish DERRICK NEO a really HAPPY BIRTHDAY. NEO, HUAT AH!!!

Life's not that good these days. Bad health, bad luck and everything coming in one shot. Gotta go pray to Sky God. Please let all those bad stuff go away after the Chinese New Year. Life's a bitch, school's a slut, health's a whore.

Boyfriend is super sick now and that adds on to my worries. Been stressing over quite a number of things these days. I'm financially unstable, gonna declare bankrupt soon. There are so many stuff I've yet to do and that includes shopping for my CNY clothes and going to Monsoon to do my hair. Gosh.

Went to school on Tuesday before meeting my younger cousie at Bugis for her shopping. I think I'm seriously dumb. I took a bus all the way to Boon Keng before realising that I forgot all about my MC. So I cabbed back to school before cabbing down to Bugis again and it's SUPER expensive considering I took a cab to school. Went homt around 8pm to change before meeting BF and others. Was supposed to be jogging, I ended up playing soccer with them. Had loads of fun.

Dear Boyfriend, it's been a stressfully eventful week for you. Even if nobody cares, nobody's concerned, nobody's around, you've got this perfect-gf-wannabe standing by you. You said better days ahead will definitely mostly be from me. If I'm not the one giving you better days, I'll give you the best days ever.

Dear Baby, I wanna let you know I miss you. Never will I forget those times that we had. I'm looking forward to the times that we will be having too.

How could I face the faceless days
If I should lose you now?
We’re so close
To reaching that famous happy ending
And almost believing this was not pretend
Let’s go on dreaming for we know we are
So close So close
And still so far

I'm bored now and I'm going to sleep soon. But my blog seems dead except for that bullshitty post.

I'm feeling random now man.

1. Cloverfield is overrated.
2. Baby, Monday's Mandy's day.
3. Thanks BF for washing my hair for me cos' of you-know-what-happened.


Time is ticking by,
But it seems more like it flies.
Carefree times away,
I'll wait till the next holiday.



Loves, GF Clare.

Hey bitch, look here. Imma gonna smack this right into your face.

Get this shit right. Your boyfriend is my ex-boyfriend. C'mon, I won't degrade myself and fight with another girl for a guy. Never in my life would I do such shit. So stop coming to me and insult my integrity just because your jealous that your bf still likes me. Just cos' your bf thinks I'm better than you doesn't mean that we have something going on between us. Fucking watch your mouth cos' I'm attached and I don't want anyone to come spout nonsense about me. I wouldn't care as much if I'm single. Don't indirectly affect my bf's reputation with your words.

Ask your bf what kinda things I can do when I'm pissed off with bitches like you. He should know it quite well. And if he doesn't tell you, I'll tell you. I won't let people who ruin mine or my close ones reputation get off easily. If you think you're a fucking big ah lian and I'm scared outta my wits by you, you're so so so so wrong. And if you don't believe me, you can come TRY ME.

I'm being nice by shouting at you over the phone. Don't force me to start looking for you. You wouldn't like what I'll do.

So scram.

10th January, 11.15pm. I like.


Couldn't wake up for school on Friday, Bf came over cos' he did not go to school either. Slacked all the way till 4pm before heading out to eat and then to town together with Xueli.




Went to Wisma and I gave up waiting for that darn Sony Ericsson. So 3 of us walked around and finally settled down at NYDC to satisfy my craving for some food and rest our legs and cos Xueli can't stop complaining. As usual, we did stupid stuff and it was even more stupid cos Bf's the camera man for the day.



He headed off to Zouk after that so Xueli and me decided we should go to Partyworld for some singing session like the old times. Yes yes, be surprised that Clare is not clubbing on a Friday night. Grrrr. BUT stupid Partyworld is like packed. So we had to go to Kbox and I hate Kbox. Damn. We sang for an hour before birthday girl Vera arrived. Went crazy until we left and waited for Xueli's bf to pick us up. Headed home.

It's the night that brings forth such random thoughts.
It's the insomnia that causes such feelings to surface.
The countless number of "WHAT IFs".
The endless list of questions looping through my mind.

What is it, I wonder.
Again and again, I ponder.
If it bursts like a bubble,
Will I be left under the rumble?
The rashness beyond reasons,
Will feelings change like the seasons?
The places,
the faces.
The memories,
the diaries.
Irrationality that I cannot fend.
Please God, never let it end.

Copyrighted, Clare. 2008

Before I start this historically super long post, I wanna say I'm proud of myself. I finally cleared up the mess on my desktop (: It looks super tidy now. Calender, clock, stickies. Woohoo.

Anyway, Happy Birthday Baby. I hope you like the chalet, hope you like the food, the crowd, the fun, the getting drunk, the video. I told you this the first birthday that I'm celebrating with you. So imma gonna make it memorable. I hope I did. (:

Don't have to thank me so much. Cos effort, time, money, whatsoever, is worth it. For you. :D

P.S: Maybe you'll think we're drifting apart. Maybe you'll think that someone else is more important than you to me. I just wanna let you know that some relationships cannot be compared just like that. You're incomparable in my heart, you know it. As I've said yesterday, it's true that we're drifting apart physically (less meeting up & stuff). But emotionally, we did not drift apart. Instead, our bond got stronger. After all the shit we've been through, after all that we've done for each other, after all the hugging together and crying. No friend will ever be like you, no friend can ever be like you. To me, you're like the one and only. Nobody will take you away from me or me away from you. Imma gonna stick with you as promised. You're not a substitute neither can anyone be your substitute. You're just who you are to me. MandyTeo. I don't have to prove anything to anyone cos' we both know what we have between us. All I can think of how to describe our whatever ship now is just one sentence.

"It's more than what they can see."

Loves.