1. I blog what I like
2. No flaming
3. I appreciate friendliness
4. Fuck off if you don't like my attitude

Haha, this is stupid.



The difference when I'm without make-up (I know it's shocking, so shuddup)

AND YES, I just found out some stuff.
I'm SOOOOOOOO fucking disgusted. I feel SOOOOOOO fucking degraded. CRAP

Went to town to catch The Simpsons. (: Kinda just got home around 3am.

I was supposed to meet KW at 9pm to catch our 9.40pm show. In the end, I have no idea why, both of us left our cribs at 8.45pm.

Obviously we ended up as late as each other and the bloody tickets were sold out. Haha, crap lah. We had to wait till like 11.50pm to catch the movie.

Played arcade and pool and slacked around. The movie was really funny. Kinda cheered me up. Wasn't feeling that alright earlier in the day.


Alright, expired photos time.





while working at Singapore Island Country Club

On my way to ClementiWith Eileen Wee during the event itself. She's REALLY cute.Pubbing session with Gary after the event.Yesterday, at DoubleO. Working for Tuborg with Jaz.A few hours ago.
Mr and Ms Latecomers

Gotta crash soon! Shopping with Momsy tmr I hope. (:

xoxo

I hope I'm getting over it. I was well prepared for that answer I guess.

Woke up at 5pm today. I hate this. I've got a pile of work staring at me right now. Totally not in the mood to do all that. At least some stuff are resolved. Am I supposed to feel sad or relieved? Stepped into the house today and all I get was loads of bullshit.

Hey mom hey dad if you all are reading this,
It's pointless for me to say much to convince you all whether I attend school or not. Think or believe whatever you all like. I can't be bothered alright? And stop comparing me with your younger bro. It's fucking insulting. We're like two totally different individuals. After 18 years, you all should have realised that I'm not someone with no determination. One simple example. I've been dancing since I was a 3 year old kiddo. What makes you think I will quit my course halfway? Stop being ridiculous. At least spare a thought for my fucking feelings. I'm not someone for you all to vent your frustration or whatsoever on. And please, I'm old enough to think. At least I've been through the worse and you all know that better than anyone else. So for god's sake, stop screaming at me through the phone over nothing. How do you like me to call you in the middle of whatever you all are doing and scream at you? I respect you all and I won't want not to. So respect me too. I'm no bloody rebellious kid who cant think. At least not anymore.

Screw this shit.

Leave me alone. I've got work to do.

P.s: Leave my heart alone too.

Oh well. I've just reached home from training. Sorry ankle, sorry knee. I abused you all again. Sorry back, for abusing you too. But can you all don't do this to me. STOP HURTING ME! Hahahahaha. Bull shit.

Ahhh. Extra trainings on Friday and Saturday. Will be working at DoubleO from 10pm to 2am on Friday too. Mr. Teh Kaiwen. I repeat, I'm NOT a workaholic.

I need to find my knee and ankle guard.

Basic Accounts - 24th Aug [09:30 - 11:30]
Criminal Procedure - 27th Aug *How great... [14:30 - 16:30]
Contract Law - 30th Aug [14:30 - 16:30]

Exactly 1 month to go.

Guess you didn't know how much you still mean to me.
Or that you didn't know every little thing you do would have a great impact on me.

It's nearly 6am now, the time I'll wake up, get breakfast and go over to your place, snuggling up beside you for warmth. Yet now, I'm here alone. In this cold weather, with nothing for company.

Nothing really means anything when my everything's gone. You dig?

I wanna text or call you so badly or even to ask you out. But no, I don't wanna be pushed away by you. Not anymore. Yet I so want to be beside you at this very moment. Flirting with the thought of having you around to keep me warm or you having me around to pat you to sleep.

Yanking myself back to reality, it will not happen. Maybe, never ever again.

And did I mention I just finished reading Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows? Now I've regretted finishing it so fast.
The nights where random thoughts would infiltrate my mind would come back again. I don't like it either. But, do I look like I have a choice?

As much as I want to tell you how much I miss or love you, I can't.
As much as I want to get over all these shit, I can't.
As much as I want to snuggle up beside you again, I can't.
As much as I want to feel you to hugging me to sleep again, I can't.
As much as I want to wake up and see you beside me again, I can't.
As much as I want to feel your touch against my skin again, I can't.
As much as I want to have your arms around my shoulders again, I can't.
As much as I want to feel loved by you again, I think..
I most probably, can't.

The moment I teared, it started pouring. It was as though they can feel how I'm feeling inside. But why, can't the rain wash away my tears for me?

Saturday night. Now that I remember, I've forgot to mention that Gary's friend, brought someone who looks almost exactly the same as he did. I couldn't stop staring. Was it me or was it the alcohol? It's most probably just me. Now you know, why I cried.

I wanna stand in the rain. So you wouldn't know, that I'm crying. Over you.

Xueli: Nah. Not always loved.

Clare's going back to her Harry Potter now.

(start of draft - 21st July 2007, 00:41)Exactly a month has passed in 6 hours time. A month filled with all kinds of emotions. A month, a day, a date I wanna forget. Passed by certain places after work, in one of the 'boss's' car. Thought of some memories that should have been long gone or should not have been remembered. Well, I doubt it will ever happen again. Those happy times.

Clare, it's time to move on. It's not like you're not independent enough. What's yours will be yours, what's not will never be. There's no point making yourself sad. Pushing yourself or allowing someone else to push you down the same cliff twice.

Then again, no matter how much I reprimand myself for being the dumbest (if there's such a word) woman in the world. I am still getting depressed over certain issues. Issues that I cannot resolve. (end of draft)

I thought I promised myself I wouldn't cry. That's one of the reasons why I stop wearing waterproof mascara.

Went to Liquid with Gary and company just now. Gary still knows me best. After 7 years. He's like the one of the few guys whom I can really talk to. Now you know, this is one of the reasons why I hate listening to chinese songs. I get emo, I cry. It was not the effect of the alcohol. It was the effect of a heartbreak. Anyway, it was nice singing and everything. It's been a long time since both of us stepped outta our cribs together. It's always like, 'hey, come down to 125 / 129 now.' or 'hey, let's go la kopi.'. The last time we ever went out was last year. 4 of us in a KTV room big enough to play badminton eh. hahaha. Alrights, I promise we'll hang out soon. You don't have to wait half a year.

Had work just now. It was kinda alright except for the location. Had to go all the way down to Clementi. Met people like Eileen Wee and one of the Project Superstar 2 while I was there. Had kinda fun. I didnt take much pictures. They will be up soon though.

Gonna crash now. Have a photoshoot tomorrow morning or i.e later. (:
Clare: Clare, be strong. Even though it's hard. I know you have feelings too no matter how cold you can appear to be.

This picture saddens me too. You're not alone Jo. Heart-wrenching shit.

7am - Woke up.
8am - Got outta house
9am - National eye centre
10am - On the effin' cold bus
11am - Facial
12am - Facial
1pm - On the effin' cold cab
2pm - Struggled with LComm2
2.30pm - Tired.

Stupid Incidents

• I stared into blank space and realised that my bus was here only when it passed my bus stop. Made me late for Contract Law, so I couldn't attend.
• Tried balancing on my right (bad) leg while balancing my laptop on my left. Had to tie my hair, my laptop committed suicide. Bloody Hell.
• I couldn't find my Ez-link card when I wanted to alight. Only to realise that I was searching every inch of my bag while holding onto it. I missed my stop.
• Lost my wallet for more than 2 hours yesterday. Found it in my Jap tutorial room. Don laughed at me for being so blur. Thanks Don.
• I walked towards the wrong direction after getting outta City Hall. Realised that, only when I've nearly finished walking Citylink.
• Ran up the stairs forgetting my knee's and ankle's condition. Ended up with a even looser ankle and a worse knee.

Yes, yes. Laugh, laugh all you want.

Clare really needs rest. Before I lose my hp or whatever valuable shit.

OMG. XUELI. my freaking 11 years gf. (: ilu. Yeah yeah, your love's been given to your guy alrdy LAH. I'll bask in sorrow myself. haha

Thanks Shawn. for letting me know that i still have someone around for me.
Thanks Mr. Teh kai wen for spamming my blog and friendster.
Thanks Kannan (partner) for bitching with me.
Thanks Jo for talking to me on the bus.
Thanks Shirleen for listening to me ramble in school.
Thanks Sharifah (tkd) for cheering me up.
Thanks Mr. lazy bummer for talking to me when I need you.
Actually, I didnt really talk to anyone else. zzz
And people, I'm not down with depression.
Clare's fine. You guys can stop worrying about me.
I Love you guys

Super duper uber tired. Gotta complete my Jap draft. Like I'm the only one doing it. brrrr.
Just came back from tkd training. Clare's down with new injuries like a loose ankle, bad knee, swollen elbow and abrasions. Thanks to sparring. Awww.

Am I still yours or am I not. Are you still mine or are you not?

I'm feeling like this right now.

Spa day (that pic in the sauna was taken when i just woke up. heh)
Work @ barnone. 13th July 2007.

taken at clarke quay a week ago.Things aren't getting any better. I've tried my best. It's not up to me anymore.
It feels great after a haircut. Especially when you're depressed. At least, it does. To me.
The end result? Super short & thin hair and a normal jovial Clare.

Reasons why Clare is depressed:

1. She's sick
2. She misses her boyfriend
3. She's stressed
4. She's mentally tired
5. She has nothing to do.

Reasons why we can confirm that Clare is depressed:

1. She did not talk for more than 5 sentences to anyone today. (Except Xueli)
2. She did not laugh in school.
3. She took a cab home and hibernated for the whole day.
4. She didn't even say 'Hi' to her rabbit
5. She didn't say 'Good Morning' to her mom.
6. She allow her tears to flow for no reasons.
7. She smoked alot today.

Thought of blogging since I'm like so free now. Have a meeting at 6 and I've gotta meet my sub-comms at 5. So i'm like doing nothing, sitting in the comp lab staring at the desktop and missing me boyfriend. Boyfriend! Recover soon alright? You're like full-sick and I'm like 3/4 sick. How pathetic.

Anyway, thanks to all those who has negative comments about me and boyfriend. I didn't know that we're so popular till the extent that you all will bet how long we will last. Oh yes, it's really freaky to realise how hypocritical a person can become. For all you know, you're stabbed in the back by someone you thought is a good friend. Or so to say, someone who can make a good friend. It's sad how things turns out. But you chose this path, you chose to face the facts in this manner. Should I call you a man or should I call you a loser? So much about maturity. You call this a mature way of facing/handling situations like that? Oh please, so am I supposed to sympathise with you or am I supposed to mock you?

In short, you're just another trying too hard to be mature childish guy in this whole world. Thanks for showing me who you truly are. Bye