1. I blog what I like
2. No flaming
3. I appreciate friendliness
4. Fuck off if you don't like my attitude

DoubleO to celebrate the end of school for all of us. It's like suddenly, we're no longer freshies, rather, we've graduated. So that night was a hell loads of fun for us.


Our incomplete group photo.
The girls. I like this photo cos my boobs looks big. Hahahaha. Disgusting.That's me as the alcoholic, like always. Getting my hands on some once I step in.

That's my small boy plus joker. Irwin.Sharifah and her really sharp chin. She loves chicken wings.

Farah. The hot hot malay girl, I like.

Winston, how can I describe him. Hmmm.
Tracy, I think she's trying to violate me. Rachel, why do everyone like kissing me?

Will, the very muscular bitch.
Jackson, the tooty turn cute guy.
Ah Jun, not a law student but my lil' bro nevertheless.
Here comes Jo. Who looks very gone.
Jo likes to stick out her hand like paparazzi's taking photos of us.
I am ashamed to say I have very bad slouching problem.
But I am proud to let you all know. That I have shed some weight. As you all can see. :D
This photo makes my face look slim!
Haha, Tracy doesn't understand why we have to tango to R&B.
I started fooling around and none of them can tahan me.
See! Her face so reluctant.
I think she's smiling so blissfully cos' she's resting on my boobs. So not counted.
Rachel only concentrates on taking pretty photos.
But okay la, she's different. She's still very nice.
But BF's nicer. My typical "I-want-my-honey" face and pose.
So I ran up and jumped onto him. He still genuinely very happy you see! Told you BF's the best.
So I just stayed there blissfully.
So sweet right. (:

Yayness! I'm going to Bangkok and Genting with BF. I'm getting girlfriends to come along too! I shall start planning now.

Anyway, I was just thinking. If you don't like me or have something against me. Say it to my face or just show it directly. What's with "ooops..."?

Cowardly creatures.

End of school. End of poly life. End of studies for now. What am I gonna do? Goodness.
Had fun for the past 4 days with my friends, BF, family, people around me that I love so much. Gotta start planning how my life is gonna go on from here. Photos up on facebook which is so much more convenient. I'll prolly just rant here for all I want. (:

Because she would ask me why I loved her
By Christopher Brennan

If questioning would make us wise
No eyes would ever gaze in eyes;
If all our tale were told in speech
No mouths would wander each to each.

Were spirits free from mortal mesh
And love not bound in hearts of flesh
No aching breasts would yearn to meet
And find their ecstasy complete.

For who is there that lives and knows
The secret powers by which he grows?
Were knowledge all, what were our need
To thrill and faint and sweetly bleed?.

Then seek not, sweet, the "If" and "Why"
I love you now until I die.
For I must love because I live
And life in me is what you give.

Life in me, is what you give. ily honey.

I'll be having my first paper in 6 hours time and I can't get to sleep. Y'know, when you're suffering from all the anxiety and you just stand by the window, things just flash past your mind and sometimes, you see it from a new perspective.

What's friendship really. I've a 13 years bestie. What more am I asking for? But sometimes, I'll just miss those times that I had with that particular someone which most of you will actually know who I'm talking about. It's like, if we weren't so stubborn in our own ways then, will we have ended up like that? I still love you very much as a friend, baby, whatever. But does it make a difference now? Prolly no. Maybe until a day when we come to realise that all differences and grievances deep down inside have disappeared, then would we be back to how we used to be. But I'm not counting on that. Because you seem happy with what you have now and I'm really glad for you. Just seeing you once in awhile, maybe for mahjong sessions or seeing each other in a club and have fun, would suffice. What else do I want more? Probably just your mutual appreciation of what we once had. That scrapbook? It really helps.

So many things have happened and I feel emotionally and mentally defeated. I've bawled my eyes out, cried my guts out but achieved nothing at the end of the day. Maybe fear isn't something that can be conquered with just words of assurance. This fear or hell hole that I've created for myself is not something that anyone can fill it up for me. I'll just have to get through it myself with someone's help. But nobody's helping, so there I am. Still stuck in that hell hole.

Y'know. Life is all about choices, making them and not regretting them. It's like the art of drawing without using an eraser. I can use bolder lines to cover the thinner ones. But when there are too many fine lines. No matter how bold another line is, it cannot cover them totally. And if it ever can, it spoils the whole fucking drawing. Maybe I should stop drawing such fine lines because I chose to, not because I want to. My life is MY LIFE right? But when you love someone that very much, you get so tangled up and there won't be a differentiation of who's life is whose. Does this apply to everyone or is it just me alone?

I've made a choice now. Not because I like it but because I want it. Is that contradicting or is that stupid? But love is never fair nor logical, no? People lose their minds when it comes to love and I'm just like any other normal human being. At least, that's what I think for now. After all this rantings, I'm sorry to inform any of you who is reading this, it does not make a difference from the start of everything. So, it's still back to that "normal".

Was talking to Rach on Msn and I reminded myself this phrase that I always said but forgotten about it as time passes. "Guys will only know how to appreciate their losses." But I don't think this applies to just guys only. Ladies too, but with a lower probability.

Someone told me that "Babe, this is a fucking free world. So do what you like and say what you like." Well, it's easier said than done I guess.

I stood by the window and looked down and thought how my body would look, distorted with guts spilling out lying on the floor 10 levels down. Who will be devastated over my death and be affected for life, yes, FOR LIFE. Maybe except for my family members and two important persons in my life, nobody else.

But then again, am I really that significant to this world? Does my existence matters as much as I think it does because nobody's indispensable?

Guess that's a question everyone should ask themselves.

Just because Mummy heard a dog barking and howling non-stop. She thinks that someone's gonna die soon. Because, "No dog will bark so much in the middle of the night and howl that way for nothing."

Right, that's my Mom for you.

I should stop staring at matrimonial proceedings because it's annoying. Should start on accident claims or insolvency instead. OMG. Less than 12 hours to go but I'm nowhere near the mark yet. Bahhh.

I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate

CCB. KNN. fucking hell. goddamnit. I have no idea what's wrong with me. But all fucking go die.

At least from a wall, I hear echoes.

I just stole photos from BF's phone. And they are hilarious. Enjoy.
My attempt to add a photo into BF's private collection.
Then the 360 degrees difference.
Yes yes, he's plucking those hairs that I've left out. Apparently he does a more elaborate job than me. Laugh la laugh la. I think it's sweet ley. You all are just jealous. HAHAHAHAHA.

ONLY IF YOU LIKE TO READ MY RANDOM RANTING POSTS

Been thinking alot recently, especially when it comes to relationships and stuff. I know it isn't the right time to think about all these due to all my over-the-edge-pressing deadlines and looming examinations drawing near. But you see, in his terms, shit happens. And precisely because shit happens, they led me thinking.

A whole load of shit has been happening and bestie, isn't having a great time herself either. My heart goes all out to her. But she is the one person whom made me believe a strong relationship can pull through anything.

I've always been thinking why most couples will feel awkward when either one of them keeps quiet but reassures that he/she is not thinking of anything negative or that he/she will not burst out crying in 0.172 seconds. I've always treated my relationship in a way whereby I know I can keep quiet yet feel at ease beside him, hoping that he will feel that way too. It is because I believe that there's no gap between us that we are so close as to just sit beside each other, simply relishing the presence of the other. But of course nobody will do this on every single date luh!

Let's just put it this way, in my relationship, I see no gap needed to be filled with words/sounds because silence is not awkward. It's the serenity, peace with oneself and the other, knowing that the both of us is as much in love as the other is. In reality, some will probably term it as "communication breakdown".

But communication may not be a good thing afterall. I've always thought I can express myself and put it through to the other person in a way I meant it to be. After awhile, I came to this realization that,

• "Clare fucking sucks at it"
• "Clare's chioce of words fucking sucks"
• "Clare fucking can only think for herself and tries to enforce her perspective onto me"
• "Clare is stubborn"
• "Clare can probably write an essay rather than talk/text"
  

And all along, I am only voicing out my views instead of enforcing them onto someone else because I know for a fact that perspectives cannot be enforced or incorporated into another. I've always thought my command of language is not that bad. But I cannot explain why I cannot do this.

Have I digressed too much? I've been reflecting for days about my relationship, Clare as a GF, Clare as a person. And sometimes, I feel like I will gradually lose the real Clare as a person because I want to change for the one that I love. Because anything is worth it right? As long as BF will love me more, blablabla. But that is bullshit. That is being totally naive.

I know BF accepts me for who I am and I'm really thankful for that. Okay good game, my train of thought zoomed outta my mind.

I'm quite blank now cos' I haven't gotten enough sleep. I don't know why I'm going on typing but yeah. I'm sorry to whoever is reading this now cos' it's kinda pointless. I should go rant in my livejournal instead.

The whole point of this stupid ranting post is that,
" We are so close to each other honey, even just by sitting beside each other, there will be this inexplicably unique feeling between. Words is to understand what the other person is thinking and of course for basic communication. Words should not be used to cover up a silent awkwardness. "

Okay fine, the subject matter is: BF and me is that close to an extent we do not need irrelevant stuffs to fill any gap cos' there's no gap to start with. And I'm very happy about it.

Didn't bother about this space for the past week cos I've been really busy. Last minute CNY shopping together with all the deadlines and shit. Anyway, since I have the photos with me and the time to spare now...

Miss Big Square Jaw feat Mr Puny Oval Eyes on the first day of CNY at his Grandma's.


I know, BF should stop acting cute.
And fucking stop flexing dimples and nostrils.
Day 1 was boring. Same old family thing, played mj at Grandma's, played BlackJack after mj, win finish money, get out and have fun. Bestie and I met up and since we were driving around aimlessly, we decided to get some fresh air.
But apparently, the place was filled with idiotic people who have nothing better to do than to picnic there and make hell lotsa noise. Drove over to DblO, wanted to chill on drinking but got free drinks from the people working there. So I drank Xueli's share too cos' she's gonna be behind the wheel. Besides, if she's the one drinking, I'll have a hard time. HHAHAHA. bitch.

So I came home looking super unglam as compared to the start of the day.Then came day 2 which was relaxed.


Went over to my relatives with BF before heading down to Joey's with bestie joining us. OVERNIGHT MJ! Woohoo. Been a long time since. Anyway, here's Chivas, that hyperactive lil baby I haven't hugged in the longest of time. He was damn shagged that day.
Roll roll roll, rolling while sleeping is goddamnit cute.
Yes, as expected. Day 2 ended with me looking chui again. But it's 7am! You can't blame me!
Apparently when I left his Grandma's on day 1, his Grandma asked his sister "Your er4 sao3 (2nd sister-in-law) go already huh?" and she asked his Mom, "Where is your xi2 fu4 (daughter-in-law)?". All these are in accordance to what I've heard from both BF and lil sister.

Honestly, I am openly very shy about it but I am also secretly smug. MUAHAHAHA. But still, those terms will not come till years later, as planned. (:

Making it short and sweet.

Random stuff:

• I did my hair on Sunday and I feel so light now. But I'm gonna change the colour after CNY.
• BF has red hair too, in accordance with me and CNY. Yeah right.
• I kicked one of the chairs in BizPark yesterday and my big toe hurts
• I kicked some hard object in Parkway.
• I strongly believe that my toenail will have a blood clot and crack open AGAIN. I think it's an annual thing. Fuck.
• The crack on the nail of my thumb is getting longer and longer.
• I pray I won't be nail-less for CNY.
• BF does not know how to appreciate the time he has. Can't he just sleep with all that free time! Doesn't he know how much I want all that time for myself also. Basket.
  
• THESE PEOPLE DON'T KNOW HOW HAPPY THEIR LIVES ARE!
  
• ENVY.
  

School shit:

• Have been camping in Sports Com or outside LTs with my laptop.
• Either studying hardcore or rushing to meet deadlines.
• 2 deadlines this Friday.
• 1 test on Saturday.
• 1 deadline next Friday.
• 1 deadline next next Friday.
• 1 deadline 1 day after next next Friday = Valentines' Day
• 1 test on Valentines' Day.
• 1 week later, start of papers.
• HOW CAN THEY CLAIM TO BE GIVING US STUDY WEEKS WHEN WE'RE BUSY MEETING DEADLINES!

I am busy completing IP. It's 4am and I've gotta wake up at 9am. Why am I doing this? Why?

Finally, a weekend to shop, pack my house, spend time with my love and most importantly, rest.
Been busy doing projects, having project meetings. All I've been doing for the past week is just related to school school and school. The deadlines are too horribly cramped for us to meet. From the start of January, I've been rushing to meet deadlines.

Recap a lil, it all starts from new year. YOU TELL ME! Who in the right mind will set a deadline right after new year!

• 2nd January - Deadline for Advanced Civ Pro, Divorce.
• 7th January - Deadline for Wills
• 12th January - Presentation for IP
• 16th January - Deadline for Advanced Civ Pro, Accident Claims.

In between the 2nd - 16th, I've been trying to settle the IP and insurance projects. Which is crap because I've this particular someone in my group. It's okay if she does her work. But I don't understand what rights she has to threaten to be nasty, when she don't even do a single shit?!

• 19th January - Meeting for IP
• 20th January - Meeting for Insurance
• 23rd January - Deadline for IP and Insurance projects 10am and 5pm
• 24th January - Assessment for Arbitration

22nd I don't need to sleep already. 23rd I tell you, I sure die. I will camp outside the LT with my lappy from 7am to 4pm. Unfortunately, I will have to face the same person for that whole period of time.

You people see AH. 23rd clear all projects by right should be damn happy go out play like one crazy bitch right. Or go for my CNY shopping which I reckon will be delayed if I can't find anything this weekend. SAD TO SAY, law lecturers apparently don't wanna let us go out and have fun! 24th should be a day for us to buy clothes or buy CNY stuff what right! Prepare for reunion dinner on 25th. BUT BUT BUT, I freaking have to go back for a test.

Good job Sirs, keep it up.

Thou shalt not give up!

I'll come back and rant again. For now, I'll continue stoning till honey finish work!

Self directed plot.

Mr GungHo trying very hard to act cool.


Conducting an orchestra with his cigarette.
Then he got down on two knees to propose to me on this very special day. With a cigg.

Basket.

Alright alright, I'm bored cos' I'm suffering from insomnia now. The first picture was candid actually.

BF came over in the morning while I was happily sleeping. Prepared to get outta the house for some sun! Snapped this shot while waiting for Daddy to send us to the train station. Honey's not happy. =x Probably cos' I slept too long.


So, he evolved into a big baddie. He said he wanted to go home and didn't want to bring me out to play.
And that made me very sad cos' I was all prepared.


We prepared food the previous night for Sentosa so obviously he was kidding when he said he wanted to go home and sleep. My never ending treasure bag with all kinda things.


My moo moo water bottle that BF got when I asked him to buy it at GV a few days back.


Settled down on our picnic mat which he insists is ugly. I think it's quite nice though.

And I was seriously a happy lil kid. Haven't been out to relax since I don't know when.




And so, I stripped outta my clothes damn fast.


He's too shy to show his nipples.




I greatly enjoy such serenity and peace. Spending our whole day there without worries, chatting about anything and everything. Playing categories, bla bla.


Being next to each other, enjoying the other's presence. That's what's important.


Happy Anniversary my love. (:


P.S: On a side note, if you look close enough, BF's eyes are nice though they are small.


Look at his eyelashes! Or is it just my photography skills? (:

Going through 2008 with you.

2008 was a year that passed like a honeymoon. Sweet and smooth yet unforgettable.

There were many setbacks here and there. Lil' disagreements that we had, big fights that we've been through. All those tears and heartache, was so intense till this very day, I can feel it lurking somewhere.

These heartaches are reminders of the past and the mistakes that we've both made. What's learning without failure? What's a relationship without tears?

After a whole year, you're still that very special one love.

The one who loves me more than anything else in this world.
The one who is able to make me feel like the most important person in his life.
The one who doesn't care how unglam I look or how stupid my actions are.
The one who still loves me all the same no matter what stupid things I've did.
The one who wants me to be with him 24/7.
The one who wants to hug me to sleep every night.
The one who offers his arms to support me at my weakest.
The one who has eyes for me at my ugliest.
The one who won't expect anything back for whatever good he has done for me.
The one who gives me all his life and doesn't need anything in return.
The one who is willing to receive and keep all the love that I'm willing to give.
And the list goes on...

But definitely, you're the only one that's in my life, the one that I love as much. The one who is able to make me cry while typing this post with an ultra big lemon in my throat. That's how powerful you are, being asleep yet able to have such a huge impact over my emotions.

HoneyHubs, I love you but I have no idea how to put them into words that would be equivalent to how I feel for you. Words would not be able to justify as much cos' we both know our love, is just so overwhelming.

I know this came a lil' late but anyhow...

I love you honey, let's step into 2009 and face all differences and difficulties together. It's gonna be a year filled with changes and adaptations to be made. But I know, there's nothing we can't solve together. Even if it requires tears and shoutings and pushings and tuggings and packing up (TOUCH WOOD) and ignoring each other, we both know that we have a goal to look forward to and we'll work hard reaching the goal together. Ahhhh! I love you hardcore! (:

P.S: I know it's so late I'm left with 3 hrs to sleep. So, I'll prolly crash once I lie on your bed after school. You know it's worth it la huh. (:

The most fulfilling thing in 2008. My internship at TKSP.
For some peculiar reason, I miss working 8 to 5. For some peculiar reason again, I think I kinda miss TKSP.

That teeny weeny cup of chinese tea.


The peace I get when I sit in the room and work.
The times when I can go casual.
The late night OT which I like cos' I can work better this way.
My drawer filled with my stuff. Anyway, Break's a good option for smokers with budget.
The pile of work that I have a love-hate relationship with.
How I get to chat on Msn with Debbie when she's sitting right outside my room.
My messy table with all my unnecessary stuff.
Entrance into the serenity.
Mr Rave's table. He's a great mentor and a great friend to talk to.
The JOL table under the super turbo centralized air con.
My crazily messy table.

Now I think I'm a workaholic. I need to work I need to work. Studying's a different thing altogether. ):

The always random and extreme me.

Being all "yew xiu". Refined you call it?
And ultra loony at times.

But I have a loony BF that goes crazy over food.
And he says I have to emphasize on my blog how much I love him. Which I will later.
And my Mama bought me a gingerbread man whose legs are gone now.
ANYWAY.

Helloooo people! (: I know my blog is dead, so I'm back with annoying photos of really bad quality. Sony phone died on me but was revived today and I forgot my camera on X'mas day. So I guess that explains.

We were very into my MioTv cos' I have this 2year free access to all Video on Demand. That's about how I spent 2 weeks of my holiday. Watching movies with my love through the nights. But he's always busy fumbling around.


Busy
Still busy
Still very busy
And there I am comfortably tucked into my new ultra big and comfy sofa.


X'mas day. We were supposed to have a theme but decided that it's too difficult to carry out so I guess we'll do it some other time. Like maybe our anniversary huh?


Real scenario. Hopped onto a cab that day and started camwhoring.
I got bored with it after awhile and decided not to entertain him. FYI, these photos are less than half of what we've taken.
And then, my phone rang and I was there happily chatting with Xueli. He was okay with it at first.
So he continued the camwhoring alone with me entertaining him now and then.
He got a lil mad after awhile and wanted to bite me.
But I still didn't bother about him in the end and he was quite affected by it.
On a very random note, we had escargots and they were superb.
So we ended up here! Bet you guys don't know where.


It was our virgin trip there.
I was excited and I have no idea why I looked so happy.
But someone was struggling for the first half hour or so.

He looked soooo comical I couldn't stop laughing at him.
This was taken while he was trying to keep his balance. I think.
After much training from me, I decided it was time to let him try going a round by himself.
SPOT THE WOBBLY PENGUIN!
But he came back safely though, then it was my turn and off I went. I was too fast for the camera. HAHAHAHA.
My glamorous comeback.
Okay, maybe not so glam after all. I smashed into his handphone.
Classis, pouts. Laugh all you want. It's a Happy New Year afterall!

My blog is so boring cos' I haven't got my pictures due to my dumb MSN. I'm spending New Year's day at home doing my Advanced Civil Procedure because I have no idea why the lecturers set a deadline on 2nd January. Basket.

My Honey's not up yet and I have no idea what to eat or how to do my project. Jo, are you as lost?

I feel loser-ish waking up at times when my parents come home from work. Then sitting in front of the tv deciding what to do and I can't think of anything better cos there's seriously nothing much I can do at night.

I need to tune my biological clock back to normal. I don't like waking up with headaches cos' I slept all the way through the day.

Feels useless yeah?

A very random post now cos' I'm all alone at my second home waiting for my Honeybun to come back to me. I am indeed very bored watching Tottenham vs Man U now after Liverpool and Hull City came to a draw. Even his Papa went out, I'm all alone at home!

Sidetracking a little, I was damn shy just now lah!
When I opened the door and came in, BF's Papa went, "Jeffrey ley?"
HAHA uncle, Jeffrey don't want me.

POUTS

Berserk
Honey come back please?

Emo nemo

Damn. I miss BF's presence.

Spot his crazy face

Airport trip last week to relish the moments when we were dating. HAHAHA.


And very random photo of us in the hotel room at Bintan.

And our dumb expressions while on the coach. Think we were heading for spa or something,

HONEY!!
Your love is bored.


P.S: All the photos were stolen from his laptop, explaining the randomness. The first half's for Tott'ham vs Man U gonna end already and I don't know what to do when that happens! Ah lalala. I shall spank his ass when he gets back.

YES YES YES! HE CALLED. I'M GOING OUT NOW! WOOHOO.
THIS POST IS COMING TO AN ABRUPT END NOW
THE END.

It's my last day here at TKS. As much as I want to get ample rest and fun before I start mugging hardcore again, there's this sour grip on my heart. It's only been months but I already feel attached here.

The people here generally, ain't very nice. I mean, hey, if any of you're reading this, I'm just being really honest here. There's like this separation between the teams here and the disparity is so obvious. I can even say that they are of the two extreme ends. S's team is soooo nice you will fall in love with them. So I kinda envied Suquan & Lurvin who were sooo comfortably working there. Y's team is hectic and hyperactive in a bad way. Once the babbling/ bitching/ nagging/attitude starts, good luck to you. I may not bear grudges nor will I let them have a taste of their own medicine. I'll just prolly go home and start cursing to the max. But I would have to say, that some of them there are quite nice too.

There's this tinge of melancholy in me right now because I really will miss my lawyer. Wrote a Thank You + X'mas card to him and I hope he will like it. He's been more than just a fatherly superior or a friend. I treat him as my mentor and I think no intern will ever forget their first mentor. I've learnt so many things from him, ranging from law, to politics, to economics, to life and even to the way I should handle situations or people in the working environment. He's probably the only person I've talked to the most in this whole firm cos' I'm in the same room as he is and we always have alone time whenever we're at court waiting for our hearings.

I think I'll miss my room and my L-shaped table which I love so much.
I'll miss putting random stuff into my stationery holder and drawers.
Probably, I'll even miss boss's father whom never fails to offer me warm chinese tea in a miniature teacup when I'm freezing in my room. I call him Uncle and he calls me the Water Ghost (shui gui) in the room cos' he claims my hands are so cold like I'm some Water Ghost in the olden days.

All in all, my farewell lunch was superb and I probably ate a whole salmon fish away.
Yeah, the melacholy is still lingering somewhere in me just like the sweet after taste of Uncle's warm miniature cup of chinese tea that I've just drank.

2nd last day at work. Not feeling absolutely great though. Left office around 9pm last night, sheesha-ed with Eugene after that. After so long, I'm going clubbing on Saturday. Celebrating the end of SIP and Eugene's birthday. But if not for the 4 free invitations with free flow drinks and free make up. Probably we wouldn't have chose to club.

Whatever it is, I'm kinda cranky now maybe cos' I'm damn drowsy and I can't sleep in office. Gotta go for a musical after work later cos' boss gave me tickets there and I can't reject. I'll go home and crash and wake up to a new day. That's like the kinda lifestyle I had for months. I'm sorry I have no life and I'm boring you people out la.

What clubbing? What chillax? What shopping? What supper? Sorry lor, I gotta work lorrr.

Now that I'm gonna be free again. I'm suddenly lost. Yes, back to school. Then what? The 'having-fun' life sounds so hectic now. In the end what do you get there? Just wasting time and money with some temporary pleasure or one night stands maybe (that's for THAT kinda girls)? I mean of course, don't mention that there will be occasions that needs some celebrating and fun. Maybe it's just cos' I'm jealous that those meaningless, lifeless, aimless, no-brainer people can lead that kinda lifestyle.

Jealousy kills in both work and relationships.
At the least I know and we all know that I'm a tad better than them.
Tsk.

COUNTDOWN COUNTDOWN COUNTDOWN : 3 more days excluding today!

HONEYLOVE! I'M COMING! WAIT FOR ME!

Okay, let's see. I'll FINALLY have the time to upload my photos. Finally, I can blog about Bintan. I don't have to wake up at 7 every morning when the temperature is orgasmic. I can snuggle next to him and sleep all I want. I CAN MAHJONG WITH XUELI COS SHE'S MOVING IN 2 WEEKS LATER! I can go to the gym and start losing fats. I can play ping pong and badminton with BF. I can force him to swim with me. OH MY. There's so much stuff to do.

But most importantly, I gotta complete my report in 2 weeks which means I can't play as much as I thought.

HOWEVER, I've fun in stall for me. Like, having private invitations to Arena this Saturday (thanks to Jo) with Jo and Eugene to celebrate his birthday and the end of our near death experience aka, SIP.

987FM is giving away preview tickets to the movie Twilight on-site at 987 RSVP at The Arena, Clarke Quay. Come dressed as a vampire and stand a chance to win the grand prize of 1 x DVD Recorder and a years supply of movies at Shaw Theatres.

Free entrance, Free drinks, Free fun, Free time, Free dance, Free Jo, Free Eugene, Free Clare, Free-dom. =D

P.S: Should I use faux vampire teeth? HAHAHAHA. Shall psycho the rest to do that. Which Jo prolly will be strongly against. Then I'll make her drink and make sure she can't remember. I WANT a year supply of movies at SHAW! Damn it.

5 more days to go! (:
Hello Xueli, I'm free to meet again!
Hello Boyfriend, I've lots of time for you again!
Hello Jo, we can chillax all day and not worry about not being able to wake up again!

OMG OMG. I'm soooooo excited now. But anyhow, I'll miss some of the people there. Like Rave, my lawyer, who taught me alot alot alot of stuff. Etc etc.

AHHH! I don't have to worry about being late for work, don't have to detest taking the train and bus every morning to that bloody place. Best of all, I can drive to school everyday! Woots!

14:55
I don't know what have I done to her to deserve such attitude or such accusations. Seriously, I don't get it why she should be the one acting like this when it should be the other way round. It's more like I'm offended than she's offended. I have my dignity and I can hold my head high. I'm leaving this place in a week. I tahan. LL what, who ask me to me one small lil intern fry. Can't afford to offend, anything just tahan. No rights, no nothing. Give others order around, give others scold. I seriously don't give a fuck about whatever bitching will go on all I give a fuck about is my internship. I did my best and proved I could work. But if it's because of some "other-than-work" factors that affects my grade. I FUCKING GONNA THINK IT'S FUCKING UNFAIR. Why nobody spares a thought for pathetic interns?


09:30
I am very pissed with this particular someone. Tell me, why should I bear responsibility and expenses for a mistake that I did not make? So was it a mistake being a nice person and lending stuff to others?

It's freaking $120 for something I did not do. Anybody wants to enlighten me and tell me what to do? Fuck.

So now, the question that is put forward to me.

Am I a jealous person?

So, what actually is jealousy? Jealousy differs from envy. Jealousy is a complex reaction because it involves a wide range of emotions, thoughts and behaviour. In a positive way, jealousy heightens emotions, make love feel stronger and reminds ourselves not to take our partner for granted. However, jealousy may kill a relationship too if it leads to over possessiveness.

So what kinda girlfriend am I? I'd dare to say, I take jealousy in a positive way, if I'm the one being jealous of course. I'll take all jealousy and keep it within me, without even confronting my BF about it. Much less to mention, control his movements. I'll even use positive self-talk and tell myself that I'm such a loveable person and that BF respects me and is committed to me. But then again, why should I allow myself to slip into complacency? Temptation is abundant and everyone's susceptible to it. Bet you all have been thinking, why do I allow myself to be stuck in such an internal struggle. Because I love my BF and I want the best for him.

Days before, I came to this realization that, hey, this isn't healthy for me or my emotional stability. So I've been reading up quite alot. Maybe it's because I've been hurt more than once in my past relationships which is why my outlook on this is different from most of the girls. I even told my girls that guys will stray and it's only a matter of time.

Xueli almost killed me when I told her I'm prepared for that day to come. The day when my love has an affair with someone and the first and last time I'll ever forgive him. (Please don't think my BF is unfaithful cos' this post is just a random rambling.) Yes, I'm insecure in a way but I don't allow that part of me to surface. I don't wear it on my face. It's a torture keeping it in for some but I've learnt to accept it as a part and parcel of life.

Trust is an essential for a relationship but we often take it for granted that it will always be around. It's too easy to break and too difficult to rebuild it. So why break it in the first place? Affairs ain't only about sex. In fact, any intimate activity between two persons that breaches the trust of a partner constitutes an affair. I can be open and accept alot of things that my BF wants to do whereas to some, it's unacceptable. Simple things like clubbing alone with his guy friends, etc etc. But guys, girls, whoever out there. There’s always a boundary to what you can do and what you should not do when you’re in a relationship. (Note: I didn’t say what you CAN’T do but instead I said what you SHOULD NOT do. But that’s just my way of handling my own relationship, you guys don’t have to agree with me.)

Ending this annoyingly boring post, I'll differentiate the 4 different types of affairs.

• The boat-rocking affair - when one partner has an underlying dissatisfaction with the relationship. The affair is an unconscious way of drawing attention to the problem and bringing things into the open.
  
• The exit affair - when an affair is used to get out of a relationship. Rather than confront the fact that a relationship isn't working, an affair forces the issue.
  
• The thrill affair - the illicit nature of an affair brings with it an adrenaline rush. Add to that the excitement of sex with someone new and the romantic trimmings of a fresh relationship, and it can seem irresistible.
  
• The three's company affair - can go on for years; it can also describe a string of successive affairs. Some people find it difficult to commit to one person; they feel stifled by monogamy and fear putting all their emotional eggs in one basket. Having a third person on the scene can provide an outlet for difficult emotions.

And how we can go about avoiding it.

• Be open - honesty is the key to avoiding affairs. Share any temptations with your partner and agree to support each other.
  
• Be close - build and maintain emotional and sexual intimacy in your relationship. The closer you are, the stronger you are.
  
• Be smart - don't slip into complacency: everyone is vulnerable to temptation. (This was what I was talking about)
  
• Be alert - if you find yourself feeling attracted to someone, take action to avoid getting any closer.
  
• Behave - if you'd describe yourself as a natural flirt, remember: if you don't want to get burned, don't play with fire.

I'll always joke on my blog that I'll kill whichever girl that dares to get my guy. But we all know that's not possible at all. On a serious note, I won't stop him from going out late in the night, won't stop him from clubbing, won't stop him from contacting girls. I won't kill whoever. I'll just make it plain simple.

If you have the guts, go ahead.

well, hello. this is Jo making a special appearance on Zhar Bor's daily musings. I'm from Jurong, born with two parents on a good day, none on a bad. Was brought up along with Jesus, Mother Mary and the Holy Spirit. Attended a school in the neighbourhood and now, a wayward friend of Clare.

Being a friend of Zhar Bor is one thing. Spending time with her is another. Leaving her would be disastrous. Like how the Bees will always stick to their Honey, I thank my lucky stars Zhar Bor is like an overflowing pool of Honey available while I'm like the one pathetic overweight Bee left behind in the big big forest.She's just got an abundance pool of love, boob hugs, kisses and smackerools to keep me alive and kicking.

Enough of carrying your balls Zhar Bor.

This Zhar Bor here showed me time and time again that being unglam is part of her whole package. And she made me feel a tad less guilty about my dirty little secrets. (fucking unglam can).

She carries an air that leaves guys feeling powerless and dare I say, breathless while carrying an oxygen tank, restoring their breathing after flashing her megawatt smile (oh, no. She should be still taking their breath away). OK, maybe after flashing her megawatt smile, mouths a "hello darling" with her saucy lips.

Is it me? or am I looking like I'm penning an article for Maxim.

Right. How apt, cuz Gavin Jasper's Pretty Woman is on my playlist.

Zhar Bor.. Where do I even start telling you guys about spending a moment with her?

Bintan PreviewA moment of peaceful luxury.

Alcoholic in me starts to surface.

Had my eye on one.

Bintan fever.
I love my hubs.And my girls as well.

And now, I'm gonna fall asleep in office. My day didn't start off right. More than half of me wanted to go over to BF's house to crash. Circumstances taught me otherwise. Full post on Bintan will come up soon. As soon as I've got all the right pictures.

17:11
Gong Li a Singaporean now? Hmmmm.
http://sg.news.yahoo.com/rtrs/20081110/tap-gongli-citizenship-c3bb44c.html

So... I just walked into my lawyer's room and asked:
"Mr Teo, we just received the fax from the client that came in last Thursday."
"What thing? I don't know."
"You know, the client that came last Thursday, that Y*****t Place (confidential)"
"Aiya, I don't know la. Then what you want me to do? You go handle the case as you deem fit."
"Huh? Orh, okay."
And then, once my ass touches my seat,
"CLAREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE~"
I went nbcbwtfknnpcblpb : (smiles) "Yes?"
"They pay money already not?"
"Haven't, they say they will pass us the cheque shortly"
"Then okay lor, we also tell them we will attend to their case shortly. Get money then do."

BUT I STARTED ON THE CASE ALREADY!

What a nice day.


16:35
Good game. I'm stuck at my desk busy juggling between cases for one of the client that came in last Thursday and doing up the submissions, AEICs and list of documents for another client who'll be coming in tmr. Just at this juncture, J came in a threw me a new case. WOW, how great. (editted cos' I decided I was too mean) I'm an au-naturale hypocrite.

11:25
I'm ordering Canadian Pizza cos' my tummy monster is growling now. Extra large for $38.90. Think it'll be enough for 5? Shall steal someone else's share. It better come at 1pm sharp cos' apparently, according to the operator, EVERYONE is ordering pizza due to the hardcore rain.

10:06
Just got back from Bintan last night. Haven't got enough rest yet but I rushed to work anyhow. Took a cab all the way that burned a hole in my pocket. I'm at peace with myself, feeling relaxed and prolly a lil drowsy in office now.

Bintan - The spa was great. The place is superb with the right ambience, a quiet calming sanctuary indeed. The people there are so nice, the service was of quality class. Was greeted with traditional dance and drums when we arrived, gave us small glasses of fruit punch for us to quench out thirst. Left our baggages at the hotel before making our way around the lil resort. Pasar Oleh Oleh was crap. Totally nothing there, most of the shops were selling the exact same things. Went for the spa before checking back into our hotel. Rested a lil and went for buffet dinner. King sized bed with loads of love through the night. Bath tub dipping in the wee hours of the night. Missed continental buffet breakfast. Damn it. Checked outta hotel and left baggages there still. Walked over to beach resort for some food, wanted to try out watersports, decided that we will do that the next round cos' the weather wasn't friendly. Went back to hotel for some jacuzzi and chillax-ed at the pool bar, literally, cos' the bar's in the pool itself. Washed up and headed to fatory outlet, this time with our baggages. Got myself a dress, a polo, a pair of PJ shorts in satin material (orgasmic), pair of shades and pair of slippers. Still, I didn't spend more than one-quarter of what BF spent back in Singapore. (:

Decided, the next time round, we shall not spend so much on spa itself. Enough to cripple, yet not enough to kill. Damn it.

Pics will be up tmr. (:

P.S: Shall think of how I'm gonna sleep in office without being found out.

09:09

Hello blog, I've nobody to talk to in office cos I'm stuck in a room alone and my msn gossip buddy cum coursement is on mc today. ):

• Got off the wrong side of the bed, not literally of course.
• Slept while bathing until I poured a whole tub of cold water over myself after my hot bath. (Don't ever try doing it)
• Was still sleeping while I was blowing my hair dry.
• My make up regime luckily, consists of just 10 mins.
• Ironed my clothes and nearly ironed my fingers.
• Rushed outta hse.
• Brisk walking up a slope while smoking ain't an easy task.
• Got onto a cab to Serangoon.
• About to get off when I realised my pouch disappeared, or was never there to start with.
• Asked uncle to U-turn back hom.
• Decided I didn't have enough time.
• Called Lurvin to save me.
• Cabbed all the way to work.
• Luckily I was early, so it was only $18.90.
• So now I don't have cash!
• But I have credit cash with debtors on hand.
• So Jo was the suay one cos she's the first person I called.
• I'm freezing cold in here, why is this room getting colder and colder? ):

Was viewing one of my ex's profile, glad that people do mature and do grow up. I hope.

Shall update again later.

A DAY AT WORK

09:43
I'm freaking hungry now. I think I'm gonna faint. I miss my BF I miss my bed. I miss snuggling up to his warm body early in the cool morning. I think I'm having depression in office. I hate my room. The walls are so white they are glaring at me. Hey, but at least I got a room nto a cubicle. Why the fuck am I complaining? Damn it.

10:05
I suddenly feel so bad. I've been spending TOO much money. 3 digit sum gone in 2 days without a reason why. I think my BF hates me. He's gonna confiscate all the money. He won't allow me to buy stuff anymore. He's gonna scold me if I keep taking cab. I'M SORRY HONEY!

For now, I need a smoke and a curry puff from that Indian stall downstairs.

11:10
I finally got my smoke and curry puff. Now I need BF and my bed.

14:14
I managed to survive till lunch. Had Lor Mee with Jo and the rest. Met a client before lunch and was busy interpreting to her in Chinese. Wasn't an easy task to do when half of my mind was asleep. Now I'm back in this white room. Fuck, I'm falling asleep.

15:04
I'm so excited about the Bintan trip now. You all are just so jealous I'm going with BF for a super short lil honeymoon. Weeee. SPA SPA SPA. Confirmation letter!

Name : Ms. Clare
Date of Spa Treatment : November 8th,
2008
Time of treatment : 1.00 PM – 3.00 PM (Bintan Time)
No of person :
1 Persons
Treatment Type : 120 min session Glow Package (90min Treatment & 30min calm time)
Special Request :
Payment Method : On Guest’s own account (S$ 159.84 )
Name : Mr. Jeff
Date of Spa Treatment : November
8th, 2008
Time of treatment : 1.00 PM – 3.00 PM (Bintan Time)
No of
person : 1 Persons
Treatment Type : 90 min session Power Back (60min Treatment & 30min calm time)
Special Request :
Payment Method : On Guest’s own account (S$ 106.56 )

certainly, he can stay in the treatment
room untill you finish for your treatment, and i will put for both of you in the
couple treatment room. Looking foward to welcoming you boths in our spa soon.

Regards
Emelda

WOOHOO! Couple treatment room with half hour calm time! I'm gonna meditate in there facing the sea. You girls are just so jealous of me. I'm gonna laugh at how BF will react to paraffin. Hot wax sounds kinky. Lucky it's in the same room, if not I'll kill whichever woman who touches my honey. (Obviously I don't mean just massage kinda touch, y'know touch, TOUCH?)

Back to work, another client's coming in half hour's time. Damnit. I'm shivering like a penguin. Or do they not shiver? Shall google it. I shall make use of the Upapa and the Usqueeze in the conference room.

Bintan trip has been changed to just me and BF. Gotta thank Jo by officially declaring here, that she’s the bestest person on earth whom I love so much and hate so much at the same time. Jo love, I know you want to dive headfirst into Singapore River or jump into the MRT track for that. Please note that, it is really really okay and that I still love you all the same. (:

Friday night was fun, drinking at Backyard, together with fun new people and my 2 loved ones. Too bad Xueli can’t come. Jo, please organize more of such sessions. Maybe make it a little more budget-ish one, like all of us bringing stuff over to your place or something like that. Can’t afford too much of that every week! We'll prolly be broke, given both of our expenditures on ciggs and my expenditure on cabs.

In order to make it up to you, I’ll offer myself, some alcohol and a Karaoke set next Friday. How does that sound to you? If not, we can get an MC together this coming Monday, and sing our lungs out somewhere. Or indulge in a ongoing mahjong session from morning till evening. :D WEETS.

Saturday night was hilarious. I didn't know why I'm so high on that night, watched Tropic Thunder with BF and played stupid arcades games. Topped up so much into that Tapz card and realised they don't have OUTRUN!

Went jogging yesterday with cousie. Dropped parents and sis home then drove over to Karen's for my sport shoes that were left there for like I don't know how long. Of all places, we chose to drive to IMH and jog. It's eerie and scaryyyy. Could hear screaming in the middle of the night, from the patients la not whatever you guys thinking.

I swear my BF hates me now. I've been spending his money like water. I feel so bad! Somehow my accounts can't balance and I don't understand as to how I managed to spend so much in 4 days buying nothing. I'm gonna be nice and treat him to a SPA. I'm such a nice girlfriend -laughs in self denial-

Oh oh oh, something random. JO! I just realised that you're the first person, other than my BF, to get money outta my atm! WHY DID I LET YOU KNOW MY PIN CODE. But yeah, as if you'll steal from me. And I know my atm card damn kuku. But hey, it's an antique. LOR MEE LATER! Now we know, lor mee will sell finish by 5pm everyday.

Because Jo doesn't have internet in her office, I'm gonna copy and paste this and email to her. (She can only access her schroders mail through Intranet) noob eh?

25 days left to the end of internship. Deducting the no. of days for weekends and 1 MC left for me, 18 days left! Jo, reverse bungee is awaiting for you, we'll go club somewhere, open a chalet with BF and Xueli, mahjong, drink, eat, sleep, mahjong, drink, eat, sleep. For 3 days 2 nights. Just the 4 of us, cos no changing of mahjong kaki allowed. Do or die. (:

AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! CAN'T WAIT!!!!!!

I love my BF and my GFs LOADS. omgomgomgomgomg. I have no idea why I'm so high when I'm stuck in a room all by myself. I'm gonna skip around the office. CIAO!

P.S: I know I know, my posts lacks of pictures. Soon, soon!
P.P.S: HAHAHAH! I REALLY UPDATED ONCE IN A MONTH. I'm sucha loser.
P.P.P.S: BF, ARE WE GONNA CLUB OR NOT! If not I'll spend Friday night packing our bags to Bintan!

WARNING : A LONG RANTING POST WITHOUT PHOTOS

Haven't been updating in the longest of time. Haven't really been in touch with the rest of the world either. Not that I'm locking myself at home or anything. Internship sucks hardcore. Literally sucks all your time and energy you don't even feel like doing anything. It's like you have loads of money yet you can't shop or like loads of shit yet you're constipated. Okay, that was crap.

Anyway, I'm like attached to Teo Keng Siang & Partners. This place that handles tons of accident cases. So all I see everyday are cars that have their bumpers gone, victims who suffers from all kinda superficial injuries due to an accident. In short, it's just a very mundane kinda job that I wouldn't choose to handle for long. You don't get to go to court very often and even if you do, it's just relatively trivial cases or you get rude stares from the staff working there. Don't ask me why.

Other than my job scope, I've been struggling to maintain a work-life balance. But it was just as expected. I mean, what's life when there's work. How do you even maintain a work-life balance. Okay, the working hours for me and my guy is like totally opposite. Like, I'll end work and he'll start work and end around 9pm which by then, I'm already home and I can't even get my legs to move my huge ass outta my doorstep. That's how bad it gets.

We didn't get used to it initially and the first 2 weeks were really bad. It was a total nightmare to me when work suck and my relationship sucked as bad. Probably I was too focused on performing really well for my attachment and couldn't give a fuck about how my guy feels that's why we ended up on bad terms. Or maybe it was because he was too used to us sticking to each other every single day and I'm suddenly not around and he has too much time to spare that's why our relationship was in that horrendous state. But, it was most prolly just a mixture of both which was lethal enough to let me bawl my eyes and cry my guts out daily.

Kinda helps to sort out our differences amicably without like shouting on the phone or anything. But honestly, it was really tiring and annoying to get calls that will upset my emotional state at that point in time. I could really flare up at anything but I kept suppressing it to myself and drenched my whole pillow with tears almost every night. I swear if my pillow had ears, it would prolly go deaf or something. Well, at least we know that our relationship ain't as feeblish as others expected. We managed to get past this lil rough patch which I think there'll be more to come soon. But whatever, it's like over. So yeah, no worries. We're really fine and even better now. (:

Went to Karin's 21st the day before and BF thinks my family's cool which I will not beg to differ. I mean, how many parents do you see drinking shots with their daughter and her BF. Haha, I love my mom for the fact that she's as alcoholic as I am.

Ah, that was out of my topic. Now I'm getting Monday BLUES and I gotta bury my head between my pillows soon, without BF hugging me to sleep ):

Mondays-Thursdays = "Work my guts out, get scolded but die die must tahan" days ;
Fridays = "Drinking and singing or chillaxing somewhere with Jo GF, Andrew or others" day ;
Saturdays = "I'm sleeping till late afternoon" do not disturb day ;
Sundays = "Giving tuition at 4pm ruins my plans" day

Obviously I meet BF if I'm not tired on any of the weekdays or combine my family and him together on public holidays or weekends. And I'm not that bad NOT to make special, private time for him. (: ( whatever so, you know I love you honey. )

So, if any of you people wanna date me out, I'm sorry but you guys gotta wait till X'mas. No joke. I'll have a 2 week recuperating period at home/ BF's house, other than school time that is. I'll prolly go for a 1 week long retail therapy, another 1 week for Bintan, Genting, Bangkok or whatever to enjoy myself. There are plans but not confirmed yet. What's confirmed is, Jo and Andrew and me, we're going to go on that reverse bungee at Clarke Quay, which is freaking near our office, on the 28th November and scream out guts out. Then, I'll prolly hug Jo and cry and be relieved that attachment is over. OMG, I so can picture that scene.

Okay, enough ranting. I really need to sleep before I look like I got punched in the eye. Oh, all those about not being able to be dated out doesn't apply to Xueli okay. I mean, I gotta state it here before she scolds me or something. You'll never know. HAHAHA.

Be prepared to see my next post up in like maybe another month's time. HOHOHO.

LOVES!

P.S: My BF should stop playing soccer in the middle of the night, getting stupid blisters for himself, stinking himself after he bathed, straining his already not that big eyes to look out for the soccer ball, not catching enough sleep cos he gotta wake up early the next day.

I'm very angry with him and if he doesn't try to pacify me after seeing this post.

1. I'm not gonna talk to him for the next whole day and ;
2. I will flip his nails when I see him and ;
3. I will curse that his eyes becomes smaller and ;
4. I will make sure I sneak into his house in the middle of the night and ;
5. I'll withdraw $50 and place it in his wallet and ;
6. I'll steal ALL his cards so he can't buy his whatever bag and ;
7. I will duplicate his house keys a few more times in case he wants to confiscate the ones I have and ;
8. I'll make sure I spend at least $3000 of his hard-earned money on something I wouldn't even use and ;
9. I'll make sure ... I can't think already LAH.

Wow, that's long. Okay, it's gonna be 2am. GOODNIGHTS. and I think I have a bad tummy ache now. FUCK.

I'm like so in love with another guy. He's fucking sexy I swear. I'm going weak on my knees. Tell me, he's sexy right!
Look at that smile at 00:11 - 00:14. OMG! CAN GO CRAZY!


Honey, please bring me to this musical if it ever comes to Singapore. Gosh. I'll prolly cry my eyes out in the theatre.

Anyway, it's gonna rain hardcore cos I can feel the wind blowing really strongly at my lil toes. Loves loves.